A Funny Thing
by CraftyLion
Summary: Dougie's midnight adventure at a bar. Such an odd thing to come to my mind. He does get a kiss though! Rated for minor language. I'm not entirely sure that the second genre fits this at all. But oh well.


Author's Note: Okay, so I had no idea where to put this story, so I put it here. Sorry, it basically has nothing to due with the plot of the actual movie. There should be a special "Bands" category in Misc. Seriously.  
>Anyway, this is a fluff that came into my head earlier yesterday night… the basis of the plot was pretty much stolen from How I Met Your Mother (one of the best shows in existence), just so you know.<br>Disclaimer: I don't own Dougie Poynter. It's a sin to own a person. It should be illegal… on the other hand, owning Dougie Poynter sounds like some kind of heaven. So if I were in that heaven, I totally would own him. But I'm not. So I don't. Moving on.

It started off like any other night. Well, maybe not every other night. I was alone, at the bar, in a Hurley sweatshirt and shorts. Not that my clothing has anything to do with anything. Just setting the scene, you know? It was relatively dark in there, the lights being dimmed to about a third of their usual brilliance. It was the perfect romantic setting and I wanted to stab every couple in the damn place. There was one to my left – my arm could reach them. Add an extension of a knife and they'd be gone for good. Two behind me – if I bounced a fork the right way between them, I could probably hit both. A few across the room – so I have shitty aim, but it would be worth a try.  
>I hunkered over my third beer. Tom was out with his girlfriend. Harry and Danny were at a different bar hooking up with girls. You know, on any other day, I'd be with them, but something happened to me and suddenly I was thinking how much I wanted to be in a serious relationship. That's what the drinks were for; to kick myself back into my normal thinking habits. That thought crossed my mind and, I hate to sound cliché, but that's when things changed.<br>There wasn't a sudden spark, or a massive light shining down. There was, however, a pair of hands on my shoulders, a brush of dark hair on my cheek and a pair of really, really (really, really, really) soft lips next to my ear.  
>"I need you to be my boyfriend for a little bit. Can you do that?"<br>Is that the same as hooking up? "Yeah, no problem."  
>The girl sat next to me, smiling. Her smile was gorgeous. She had the kind of teeth that you only see in whitening commercials. And damn if her eyes weren't the most amazing I've ever seen.<br>"Even if I were three drinks sober and less drunk, I'd still think you were pretty." Yeah. I was back to normal.  
>She gave me one of those looks I used to get in high school. It was the "Did you really just say that?" look.<br>"Yeah, I really just said that."  
>She laughed. It was a real laugh. Not the kind a girl does when she's trying to be polite but doesn't really want to be there.<br>"I'm not here to hook up with you," this mysterious, gorgeous girl was saying. "I was being serious about the whole… boyfriend for a bit thing."  
>"That's fine."<br>"I feel like I should give you some background story to make you more comfortable."  
>"That'd be nice."<br>"Alright then, I will." She cleared her throat. "So, I was sitting here, nice as you please, enjoying a fantastic glass of red wine. I was really craving a glass and apparently I don't have any at home, which is pretty unusual. Suddenly, I see my ex-boyfriend walk through the door. Before I can move or even process it all, he sits across from me, saying how much he loves me and how he really wants me back and all that shit. I literally broke up with him last month. I don't love him any more. He's an ass. He doesn't seem to get that. So I told him I had to get back to my boyfriend, who was sitting at the bar. Well, you're the only single man sitting at the bar, which explains why I came to you."  
>I nodded once, staring at her blearily. Her outline was starting to go fuzzy.<br>"And that's why I'm here now."  
>"So, let me get this straight." I shook my head and tried to get my thoughts in order. "You don't want to hang out with your ex, so you tell him that you have a boyfriend, which you don't, and then you come over and sit next to any random stranger, who is a man, and pretend like you've been dating him for a couple weeks. And your pretend boyfriend just happens to be a celebrity. That's kind of lame."<br>She gave me that look again. "Says the man who's pretending to stab people."  
>"I am not!"<br>She twisted her beautiful lips into a smirk. "I know that glint in the eye. I used to get it all the time."  
>"So, what's your name? I'm getting tired of calling you "The Girl" in my head."<br>The Girl paused for a moment, as if actually thinking about something. I don't think she was really; in fact, I'm pretty sure she planned this from the start. "How's this for a game. You don't know me. I don't know you in the "old friends drinking" sense. What if we pretend that we're both regular people out for a regular drink with no intention of sleeping together, no thought of seeing each other later in life? Just some old fashioned flirting at the bar and then leaving."  
>"But that's boring. And I'm not a regular person so it makes it hard for me."<br>"Use a fake name; become a different person for an evening."  
>"Okay then. My name is Tom DeLonge. How do you do?"<br>She lifted her eyebrow in a cute quirk.  
>"Fine. My name is Tom. Just Tom. How do you do?"<br>"Better. I'm Grace and I do well. "  
>"Is that it then? I was never good at the whole flirting thing."<br>"Well, I told you what brought me here tonight. How about you?"  
>I hesitated. Did I really want to talk about my personal stuff with a girl I'd just met? But then I realized something. She… Grace was pretending like she didn't know me and I knew shit about her. She seemed trustworthy enough and we'd probably both walk away from this and act like we'd never seen each other before. So I went for it.<br>"I just had a… moment earlier. My friend, whose name I will not tell you for the sake of privacy, has a steady girlfriend. He loves her and I felt like I really wanted one too. It's like… I wanted someone I could come home too. No matter how much everything else changed, there would still be that one aspect that stayed the same. The same kisser, the same voice. But then I started drinking and I realized that I'm not ready for that yet. And now I'm back to my old self."  
>"You're back to sleeping with whatever girl throws herself at you?"<br>"Pretty much."  
>"I don't blame you. That's the fun thing about one-night stands. You don't have to worry about making a commitment to them. Just one night of fun and you can move on. As long as you don't leave a message on her pillow and leave before she wakes up."<br>I gave an exaggerated nod. "Exactly. Unless I really didn't like her. Hey, do you wanna go-?"  
>"As a rule, I don't sleep with my pretend boyfriends."<br>"How many pretend boyfriends do you have?"  
>Grace bit her lip and her eyes wandered the ceiling for a bit. "A few. I've had a few anyway. I usually pretend break up with them in the end. And then they pretend cry and I pretend to angrily walk out the door."<br>"Do you have pretend make up sex?"  
>She rolled her eyes but her mouth was twisted in a grin. I tried a different angle.<br>"Do you ever pretend to give them your number?"  
>"<em>Pretend<em> to give them my number, or give them _my pretend number_?"  
>I shifted my chair closer to hers. I leaned in a bit and would have gone all the way (I was drunk!) if she hadn't placed a hand on my chest.<br>"I also don't pretend kiss them."  
>Damn it. "Listen, you know who I am," I said. "Giving you a fake name isn't going to change that. You know more about me than I'll probably ever know about you and all you have to do is go to Google. Let's play a different game. For each fact you know about me, you have to give me the same fact about yourself. Your name, for example. You know mine's Dougie Poynter, so what's yours?"<br>Grace shook her head vigorously, still grinning.  
>Something in the back of my head told me to give up now but I ignored it. "How about just your first name? I'm Dougie. You're…?"<br>She sat back and sighed a bit. "You won't give this up, will you?"  
>It was my turn to shake my head and grin.<br>"Fine. My name is Alice. Short for Alexandra. I know it's not typically a short name for Alexandra, but I really like Alice. I have every intention of changing it later in life. Legally."  
>"Huh… Alice." The name rolled off my tongue smoothly and I really liked the way it sounded. I leaned in again.<br>"Okay, what else do you know about me? My age."  
>"I actually don't."<br>"I'm twenty."  
>Alice opened her mouth to say something, and then stopped, giving me that oh so familiar look again. I stared at her without blinking.<br>"Eighteen."  
>"My mom's name is Sam." She had the most confused face that I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm joking, joking. Um… but it is, you know. You do know I play the bass, right?"<br>"Of course. That's an obvious one. I've always been more classical myself. Piano for me. Been at it for 10 years. On and off."  
>"Interesting. So, what else?"<br>Alice jumped off her bar stool. "I've actually got to go. It's 11:56 and my carriage turns back into a pumpkin at midnight. I'm really sorry."  
>"Get a taxi then."<br>"But then I won't feel like a princess! It was nice talking to you Dougie!" She turned to leave but I grabbed her hand as it swung back and made her face me again.  
>"Please don't go yet."<br>"11:57."  
>"You're going to think this sound stupid, but I really like you. I mean, really like you. This whole thing was crazy but fun and I enjoyed it. You're the most beautiful girl I've seen lately and probably going to be the most beautiful I'll see in a while."<br>"11:58."  
>"Even if I don't see you ever again, I don't want to go home and kick myself for not… I dunno, doing better. Getting a little farther."<br>Alice gently tugged at her arm, but I held on tighter. "It's 11:59 Dougie."  
>"There's still one more thing that I don't know about you. And you won't tell me about it unless I tell you the same thing and if I don't tell you, I'm going to murder myself later."<br>"Midni-!"  
>And I kissed her. Cliché, yeah, but everything from about 11:56 to that moment had been, so it made sense to finish it properly right? So, back to the kiss. It was amazing. Did I mention how soft her lips were? And I have a vague suspicion that she wanted it to happen anyway because she didn't resist at all. There wasn't a struggle and then melting. She didn't try to push me away and then slowly relax. The second I touched her, she immediately relaxed and melted. It was perfect. And when we finally pulled apart, there was a faint smile on her face and her eyes were glossy.<br>Then I let her go. I watched as she stepped lightly outside. I watched as she threw a glance over her shoulder at me. I watched as she called a cab and was driven away.  
>And I kicked myself later for not chasing her.<br>That was three years ago.

A/N: … So, yeah. I hope you enjoyed that. It actually turned out differently on paper than in my mind. Now I'm going to go back to writing for my other ongoing story. Toodles!


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